Women, we can't live with them, but we can't live without them. I'm only going to speaking for myself though. They use to be what I lived for, what I thrived for, they were my drive. At 17, they were the reason I went to bed at night, as well as the reason I got out of it in the morning. Some would say I was thirsty, but I like to call it Philosophical. I just wanted to know. I wanted to know how far any woman would go in different situations. It was never about sex with me, I was an intellectual; it was more about getting inside of a woman's brain. Kind of like a doctor, but not the kind that delivered good news or babies. I was the kind that delivered bad news and broken hearts. Guess I was a dog huh? Honestly, I was always a good person that wanted to be in love, but I could never turn down that right moment. I suppose I was playing cupid, but many times I wished the arrow would have struck me at least once. It seems I was always the one being loved, but never the one falling in it. That's where my dilemma came in. It was an internal battle I fought and lost for the longest. I was leaving a trail of broken hearts because I could start but never finish. My attention span was about as long a broken pencil. I remember thinking most of my friends are in relationships, so why was it so hard for me to love someone? I yearned for that high when I was feeling low. Maybe it was my youth, but even then I would always imagine my wife. Could I have been a little too mature? I was 17, having a mid life crisis, and only four people knew; me, Myself, I, and God. I'm 23 now so still have a lot of learning to do, but don't let my youth fool you. I'm a new car with a few miles. This is the story of my life, my vice, my younger encounters with women, my internal battles as a teenager, and what made me realize I knew the answer the entire time. To any woman that I have hurt I apologize, but if I'm the reason you know better is an apology really deserved? Maybe there's some who will never forgive me, and though God has maybe I'll never forgive myself for a few things. Maybe this book is my only redemption.
Growing up home life was alright. I suppose my parents lived the American dream. We moved from the hood to a fairly decent neighborhood, drove a Honda accord, and we ate every day. Sometimes we didn't eat much, but we ate every day. Being that I was the youngest of two sisters and one brother things were pretty easy for me. My brother sometimes was a bully, but he was just being a big brother. I mean that's what all the big brothers on TV did, so I never thought much of it. Most of my younger years I thought my oldest sister, Keva, was my mom. That's because my mom worked 2 jobs, day and night, and my dad did the same. My parents loved us, so they worked hard for us. They were also good Christian folks. They believed even when we thought they were crazy. I remember a time when we only had one can of pork and beans in the cabinet, and six of us to feed. My mom simply got on her knees and began to pray. I can never forget her crying, asking God for a miracle that day. That same evening a church member knocked at the door, with a bag full of groceries, claiming God told them to bring us some food. Now being that I was five, I didn't know who God was or what a miracle was, but whoever he was he made sure we never went without. Many times I found myself talking to him not even fully understanding who I was talking too, but I knew he was listening. Music, fashion, and TV became an important part of my life at a young age. My favorite TV shows were ninja turtles, power rangers, and any fighting show. I could always see myself being a ninja of some sort, kind of like a hoop dream just with less hooping and more butt kicking. My favorite artist were R.Kelly, Jodeci, Biggie Smalls, and of course Tupac. Music always made me feel a certain way. It always made me happy. It also had a way of making me view the world a bit better. Now, keep in mind I was young, so it was a lot I didn't understand. For example, I remember climbing on the vanity, singing R.Kelly in the mirror, wondering what sex was, but it didn't matter I just knew it made people happy.
Next, is a Excerpt from chapter 3 "Due For Love/Erica Dampier" hope you enjoy...
At some point in life we all feel due for love. Many feel like they have given a lot, maybe they have given nothing, but at some point they still feel due or "entitled" to love. Some of us were players, some of us were loners, and some of us were lovers, but nobody is entitled to love. Many phlosophers would say love comes from a divine power and others would say it just happens. I'm sure many have giving their all and been let down, but does this entitle you to love? Does the pain at some "magical" time give you the right to say "I deserve?" Highschool was definitly a different experience for me. I honestly felt like I was due for love. I felt like I had given my all to Lisa, (girlfriend in chapter 2) but it never felt like love. I had girls that loved me, but the feeling was never mutual. Was I incapable of love? I often wondered this. I often thought about it on those walks home from school, or even in the car on days my mom would pick me up. I even found the TV watching me at times as I thought about it. I was troubled, and to me it was a big deal. I suppose we stress about things like this at that age because we have nothing else to stress about. Never worried about where my next meal would come from or how I would survive. I was only concerned about this obsession with love. Then she came along, Erica Dampier, she was quiet as a church mouse, and definitly not the typical cheerleader jock that every guy wanted. She was cute, but I think I was more attracted to her innocence. I would watch stare at times as she waited in front of the school for her mom everyday. I would also pray for the opportunity to get to know her, then finally it came.
you're gonna have to get the book to know how it came lol
Growing up home life was alright. I suppose my parents lived the American dream. We moved from the hood to a fairly decent neighborhood, drove a Honda accord, and we ate every day. Sometimes we didn't eat much, but we ate every day. Being that I was the youngest of two sisters and one brother things were pretty easy for me. My brother sometimes was a bully, but he was just being a big brother. I mean that's what all the big brothers on TV did, so I never thought much of it. Most of my younger years I thought my oldest sister, Keva, was my mom. That's because my mom worked 2 jobs, day and night, and my dad did the same. My parents loved us, so they worked hard for us. They were also good Christian folks. They believed even when we thought they were crazy. I remember a time when we only had one can of pork and beans in the cabinet, and six of us to feed. My mom simply got on her knees and began to pray. I can never forget her crying, asking God for a miracle that day. That same evening a church member knocked at the door, with a bag full of groceries, claiming God told them to bring us some food. Now being that I was five, I didn't know who God was or what a miracle was, but whoever he was he made sure we never went without. Many times I found myself talking to him not even fully understanding who I was talking too, but I knew he was listening. Music, fashion, and TV became an important part of my life at a young age. My favorite TV shows were ninja turtles, power rangers, and any fighting show. I could always see myself being a ninja of some sort, kind of like a hoop dream just with less hooping and more butt kicking. My favorite artist were R.Kelly, Jodeci, Biggie Smalls, and of course Tupac. Music always made me feel a certain way. It always made me happy. It also had a way of making me view the world a bit better. Now, keep in mind I was young, so it was a lot I didn't understand. For example, I remember climbing on the vanity, singing R.Kelly in the mirror, wondering what sex was, but it didn't matter I just knew it made people happy.
Next, is a Excerpt from chapter 3 "Due For Love/Erica Dampier" hope you enjoy...
At some point in life we all feel due for love. Many feel like they have given a lot, maybe they have given nothing, but at some point they still feel due or "entitled" to love. Some of us were players, some of us were loners, and some of us were lovers, but nobody is entitled to love. Many phlosophers would say love comes from a divine power and others would say it just happens. I'm sure many have giving their all and been let down, but does this entitle you to love? Does the pain at some "magical" time give you the right to say "I deserve?" Highschool was definitly a different experience for me. I honestly felt like I was due for love. I felt like I had given my all to Lisa, (girlfriend in chapter 2) but it never felt like love. I had girls that loved me, but the feeling was never mutual. Was I incapable of love? I often wondered this. I often thought about it on those walks home from school, or even in the car on days my mom would pick me up. I even found the TV watching me at times as I thought about it. I was troubled, and to me it was a big deal. I suppose we stress about things like this at that age because we have nothing else to stress about. Never worried about where my next meal would come from or how I would survive. I was only concerned about this obsession with love. Then she came along, Erica Dampier, she was quiet as a church mouse, and definitly not the typical cheerleader jock that every guy wanted. She was cute, but I think I was more attracted to her innocence. I would watch stare at times as she waited in front of the school for her mom everyday. I would also pray for the opportunity to get to know her, then finally it came.
you're gonna have to get the book to know how it came lol
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